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In General, Lifestyle, Love, Relationships on
March 23, 2017

You Got What You Thought You Deserved

I couldn’t believe it!  Sounding like the broken record, “Here I was again on my own!”  Heard it all before, done it all before, seen it all before, and I was sick of it.  There was not a thing one of my friends could tell me that would ease the blatant truth that slapped the cold hard taste out of my mouth.  I don’t apologize to myself unless it’s necessary, but I owed this apology.  I failed me.  I let me down and I couldn’t point the blame at anyone but myself.

It took some days to let the sting wear off but it did.  Oh boy, and when it did, I had a trail of facts that I had tucked away ever so nicely in my pocket of “but we talked about that”.  Communication is about clarification and when we fail to clarify, we fail to communicate.

I noticed a shift after a few months.  Conversations got more and more difficult and borderline non-existent.  I would either be given the silent treatment or I would be fussed at for not understanding. Which infuriated me, because I’m a lot of things, but I’m not stupid.  I just wanted to have an honest conversation.  What I learned is that this it is very difficult to achieve with a person who avoids conflict and is hypersensitive to words.  So I left it alone and watched as the ship of intimacy sailed far away from our grasp.  The other reality that I had to face was that he wanted it that way.

When the winds of change hit us and force us to reflect on the direction from which it came, it’s tough.  And it’s tough because the answer was always before us.  Love is blind and love is sight at the same time. It blinds us to what we should see, and reveals that which we try to cover.  There was so much that my magnifying glass of hindsight revealed that it arrested my thoughts.  It wasn’t until I had a discussion with my oldest daughter that I had to face the truth of what I allowed.

Kids are amazingly perceptive and wise.  We do not give them enough credit.  She says to me, “Mom, you can do better than you think you can.  I know everything with dad hurt your self esteem but it shouldn’t. You’re a heck of a catch and men should have to work to catch you.  You’re too nice.  If  he doesn’t want to work for you, then he doesn’t deserve you in the first place.  Don’t choose trifling men who should be happy to have you on their arm.  You can do better.”  I just sat there, dumbfounded by her profound insightful dialogue.  She was right.

I had to acknowledge that although I had forgiven my ex, my self esteem was still being healed.  So I dated at the level of my self esteem.  I’ve always dealt with people judging me based off my looks, so again, I dialed down who I was so people didn’t see me as stuck up or unapproachable.  I especially did this with men.  Many of us do this as a method of self preservation.  But it’s not healthy.  If at any point you have to sacrifice who you are to accommodate someone else’s insecurities, then they immediately make themselves unqualified to intimately be in your presence.

We can’t always say that someone changed.  People for the most part remain the same while certain parts of them evolve.  We have to be willing to look at people for who they are and not who we hope they can be.  So I sat with who I was and who I had become while trying to save an evaporated relationship.   I had to make a decision to resurrect the woman of strength that had been through far worse things than this.

I made a promise to myself that I will always honor because who likes to take a test twice.  It’s not that they just turned out to be no good, they weren’t good from the start.  We didn’t think we were good enough to deserve better, so we got what we thought we deserved and we deserve better than that!

In Faith, Lifestyle on
September 7, 2016

2016 Created 2 Be Conference

The 2016 Created 2 Be Conference is less than 2 months away and the excitement is building!!

Life can be confusing and we all seek to find answers. The Created 2 Be Conference is a dynamic two-day experience to help you navigate through life with the help and fellowship of like-minded individuals. Be sure to save the dates of October 21 & 22, 2016 so we can personally spoil you while you experience our amazing speakers, featuring world renowned motivational speaker, Marcus Gill and outstanding worship concert led by Christian recording artist, Jeff Walthall.  Join us with an expectation to be loved, embraced, pampered, strengthened, uplifted, and to laugh. Our prayer for the Conference is that we all will be more fully awakened and receptive to God’s incredible love, that we will experience His presence more deeply and intimately, and that we will allow His Holy Spirit to quicken us to understand our value and purpose.

May you fully realize the impact and influence you have on your family, community, and personally experience His joy and strength.  We can’t wait to see you at this life-changing weekend.

Please be aware that we offer special rates for groups of 10 or more. For vendor or sponsorship opportunities visit our site for more information on how you can be a part of this life changing weekend or to attend

You can register by clicking on the link below!

Can’t wait to see you there!
In Lifestyle on
August 22, 2016

Book Release Announcement

I’m honestly at a loss for words in a lot of ways.  It is hard to believe that I finally made it to this point after all these years.  God has been so good me.  The psalmist was correct when they said that 10,000 tongues was an insufficient number to adequately praise Him enough for His goodness to us all.  The Defined by Grace Devotional and A Christian Guide to Divorce God’s Way are such a beautiful reflection of His grace, healing, and love at work in my life.  If you are ever doubtful of God’s faithfulness in your own life, please use mine as a barometer to serve as a reminder that He is indeed faithful.  After spending years spinning my wheels, I’m finally walking in a purpose that feeds the depths of my soul that is unexplainable in a way that gives my life joy & meaning.  Every day I wake up to new opportunities engulfed in His infinite mercy that enables me to truly walk out His will for my life.   My life is not perfect and feel like my life has just begun.  The remarkable thing about the last couple of years is that I feel like I’ve been given a new set of lungs and it feels good to finally breath again 😉

In Lifestyle on
June 13, 2016

Live

Life is too short to haphazardly go through each day barely existing! That used to be me until I realized that I wasn’t a participant in my own life. I can remember the day I chose to truly LIVE & my life hasn’t been the same since. Don’t let the troubles of this world leave its imprint on you, leave your imprint on the world. Today’s a new day, get out there and LIVE!!

In Lifestyle, Relationships on
May 24, 2015

My Heart Finally Grew Up

If I had a dollar for every time I heard how different I looked in the last six months, I’d be on my way to being a solid millionairefollow. I usually reply with thanks or I’m just happy. While it’s much deeper than that, I go with it for the sake of time. I had a friend text me, who’s not even on social media, after she was shown a recent picture of me. She said I looked radiant. I honestly can’t take any credit, I refuse to. If I had enough time to tell you in words how much junk has been cleared from depths of my soul, then maybe you would understand my reluctance. We go through life as human trash cans, absolutely accepting every bit of the filth and garbage that life’s circumstances or negativity can throw our way. We then spend our lives trying to maneuver our way out the bottom of the barrel or remove the stench from its damage. Our hearts are absolutely clouded with residue and incapable of embracing the joys of life because in a lot of ways we’ve gotten comfortable living in garbage. I share my experience because my life has been an example of all that grace isn’t and is. I’m not perfect by any means these days, but I live free, open to life’s ups and downs, and with confidence in who I’m called to be. I’m fresh out of apologizing for it. As long as our hearts remain a landfill, we remain void of any potential for good to come our way. I spent many years struggling to shake the immaturity that came with a garbage heart. The simplest way I can put what has happened to me in the last year, is that my heart finally grew up!

In Lifestyle, Relationships on
May 14, 2015

Choosing God’s Way

I have encountered a number of people over the last few days that have put me in an awkward position.  Not intentionally.  I knew it would get to this point but I wanted to be sensitive to God’s timing.  I felt prompted to write about it tonight after something extraordinary happened this morning.  I’ve met a lot of people recently, who have struggled with unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, and just stinking attitudes about life.  I don’t believe one man’s struggle is greater than another.  A struggle is a struggle.  In my own journey to overcome these little heart leeches, I have learned that no matter how much we beg God to change someone or a situation, he will always start with changing us.

I’ve shared a little about my marriage difficulty, and with that being said, as a result have been walking down the path to dissolve my marriage for the last 8 months.  I know this is a shock to many of you, and I would like to thank all that have kept this walk in confidence and allowed my family to heal in peace and without gossip.  The fact that many of you are just finding out is a testament to the caliber of people we have surrounded ourselves with.  Anyhow, I had to make a decision 8 months ago on how I was going to proceed.  Not legally, but in my heart.  Would I allow the bitterness that God had healed me from to creep back in and put on my boxing gloves?  Or was I going to make the hard decision to pick up my cross and truly follow Christ.  So I decided to take a gamble against human nature, and pick up my cross.

This meant giving up certain friends, refusing to speak negatively, eliminating the need to force our family or friends to choose sides, refusing to use my kids as pawns to get even, and even swallowing my pride to ride to church with him every single Sunday for the last 8 months because my kids wanted him there and realizing that he didn’t need my anger, finger pointing, or disappointment, he needed Christ.  Taking solace in the fact that while he may not have gotten things right in time to save our marriage, there was still enough time for him to get it right with Christ.  Not because I want him to, but because our kids need him to.

I wrote his family a letter 8 months ago, absolving them of the need to get in the middle or feeling like it was my side or his side.  I assured them that I would do everything in my power to make sure the kids were still a part of their lives and encouraged them to pick their son’s side, not because they agreed with his actions, but because he needed their love and support if he was ever going to be healed.  I say all that to say, my letter wasn’t received very well.  It wasn’t personal, they were hurt like I was.  We parted ways and there has been little communication, until today.

I won’t get into all the details but when we do things God’s way, no matter how difficult, he always gives us his best.  We spend a lot of time fighting for what we think is right instead of fighting to get our hearts right.  We can’t ever expect God to move on our behalf when we haven’t checked our motives.  The old saying that God doesn’t bless no mess isn’t necessarily true, he can bless a mess, he just won’t bless a messy heart.  Anyhow, after walking this road drama free, not because I couldn’t, but because I chose to follow Christ, my mother in law reached out to me this morning and it was a really good conversation.  She asked if we could keep in touch, and my reply was, sure.  God’s grace is amazing!  This really could have been ugly, but when you choose the path of the cross, even in the ugly, beauty always, significantly abounds.

In Lifestyle on
May 5, 2015

Not My Monkey, Not My Zoo!!

I’ve watched people who have hurt me move on with their lives as if nothing happened. They left me struggling to pick up the pieces from their damage for years. Until one day I developed this theory while begging God to take the pain away: Hurt me once, shame on you! But hurting myself twice because I can’t forgive what you did, shame on me!! Listen, aint nobody got time for that!! I forgive because I haven’t met a person who hurt me yet that was worth fretting over for the rest of my life. Their hurt is not worth my energy or my health! When memories of an offense try to rise up in my heart, I say “Hey heart, not my monkey, not my zoo, let’s keep it moving!